What Do You Think About This?
A short story I have quickly written but have not revised, so please do not give me any feedback about the grammatical errors in the story. I’d like to know what you think of it, giving me a possible 5 stars out of 5, 1 being the lowest, which hopefully I wont get 
A wave of thick and concentrated liquid approached her face, moving at a steady pace without admiration. The water splashed her dry and crooked face, blistering her barren pores. She awoken with great velocity, thrusting her chilled neck into the air, trying to escape the grip of the unforgiving shore. The water moved past her pressed palms, sinking them into the moist sand.Her grip was lost and she descended into the shallow pool of sea water yet again, swallowing it and choking. She rose slowly from her developing withdrawal from dry sand. Her kneecaps had been buried in a trap of "oceanic quicksand" she carefully raised her knees, lifting up her weak body from the shore. Out of curiosity, she looked around her surroundings, searching for a sign of location and did not find one. Somehow, she had ended up on an uninhabited beach and without her consciously traveling there. The air was thick of aroma. The smell was as genuine to living near the ocean, as it could get. A light, blue colored fog roamed the air, giving the beach a feeling of mysticism, and ultimate beauty and grace. Alana looked around once more, and found a pile of rocks, lying aimlessly by themselves. She paced herself towards them, but her journey was overrun by dizziness and muscle cramping. Steadily, she made it to the rocks and began to lift them out of their places. Beneath the rocks was a box, trimmed with gold and silver, unlike anything she had ever seen before. Bending down carefully as her back was a spasm playground, she picked the small wooden box and examined it. She noticed there was a latch to open the box and she pulled it up slowly. Inside of the box there lied a post card, with the name of the sender’s location blurred out, most likely from age and water damage. Looking at the remaining visible image of the post card, she uncovered a sign above a small Cliff that read, " Welcome to Paradise". Curious, she walked behind a fallen rock and noticed that the beach in the photo, looked exactly like the one she was on. She looked around for a small cliff, but there were none in sight. She walked around an outward cave and noticed a shape of some sort in her path. She rubbed her eyes to get them in focus, and saw that the same cliff in the photo from the postcard was in front of her. She looked above the cliff and saw the sign, but unlike the one in the postcard, this one was missing some letters and read, "Come to Die". She slowly unamused her gaze and wrenched backwards in confusion. The sign was in function and the remaining letters were lit with dim light. However Alana had gotten to this place, she now knew that she was not alone….
Reposted this question because of errors with the first one
It was an interesting snippet, but I thought all the flowery descriptives detracted from the main focus, aka your plot. It sounded melodramatic, and like you were trying to call attention to your writing style instead of to your story. The first three sentences show this worst.
Some of the phrasing was kind of awkward. "A wave of thick and concentrated liquid approached her face, moving at a steady pace without admiration." That’s definitely the weirdest. Just say "water". The water moved "without admiration"? What does that even mean?
"The air was thick of aroma." Air can be thick *with an* aroma, but not thick *of* aroma. And the aroma of what? You can’t just say "there was an aroma".
"Alana looked around once more, and found a pile of rocks, lying aimlessly by themselves." Rocks don’t lie "aimlessly", and they’re not by themselves if they’re in a pile, are they? The personification doesn’t really fit.
"She paced herself towards them, but her journey was overrun by dizziness…" She paces, she does not "pace herself". The last part sounds off too.
"She slowly unamused her gaze and wrenched backwards in confusion. The sign was in function…" Firstly, unamused is not a verb. And the sign would be functioning, not "in function".
Explain more of Alana’s emotions, don’t just say "She did this. And then she went here. And then she said this." Make us feel her confusion, or describe the weird compulsion that makes her go move the rocks and find the box.
So, for plot interest, 4 stars.
For writing style, 2 stars.
wow really nice!!! I loveeeeed it it really got my attention and I like how you described her surroundings not too much but enough for me to see it! Good luck and can I PLEASEEEE hear more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
very nice… keep it up!
love your imagery! i do feel like it’s more of an introduction scene, or a sketch, rather than an actual story. if you go back to edit, you might have to "kill off" some of your "babies" in the beginning. some of your sentences are very poetic (i especially like the line "She awoke with great velocity"), but all of that accumulated description, in my opinion, makes your piece wander. you can probably cut some descriptive sentences that don’t have a strong justification for being there. also, if you wanted to surprise us with the "Come to Die," you could use more abrupt sentences. in my head, i feel like alana should be feeling scared, breathing quickly or looking around warily, at that part, yet she takes the time to note the lettering and the lighting of the sign.
oh, i know i should NOT mention this, but…i’m a nitpicky soul! "unamused" is an adjective only. one cannot "unamuse" oneself. and…well, alana wasn’t amused in the first place.
i envy your gift for description. good luck with all your other writing endeavors!